Are Teachers Just as Stressed as Their Students?

I was on my way down the hall of an elementary school to meet a teacher that I was coaching. I found myself behind a 1st grade class going back to their homeroom. As always, the young students were trying very hard to stay in a single file line, quiet, keeping their hands to themselves. Every now and then, a little hand would sneak out to touch the walls and items hanging down around them. As they touched, I could see the thrill of the experience on their bright and shiny faces. Then, I heard the teacher say, “don’t touch him/her/the wall!” “Quiet!” Then they would temporarily stop, then a few seconds later, do it again. Even though many students were breaking the school guidelines, there was one student that was getting all the attention, -Benji. I knew Benji well. I had coached him and his kindergarten teacher the previous year. As I began reminiscing about how wonderful this little boy was, I painstakingly noticed how his teacher kept picking on him. If he stepped out of line, she jerked him back into line with a negative scowl. If he touched the wall she would threaten him in some way by saying he was not going to get something later. After every negative correction, I watched Benji’s head go down momentarily and then it would pop back up and he would do something “wrong” again.

I spaced out for a moment and thought about my training as a teacher and how I never learned how to communicate with kids that were not following the requests and guidelines they were given. I was just learning these new skills myself.

I thought, “This teacher is one of the beautiful souls who has not quite yet experienced the new paradigm and just doesn’t understand (yet) how her current philosophy of education is affecting herself and the students.” I looked at the teacher’s face as she was talking to Benji. She was focused on making sure Benji was doing it right. Her face and body language looked rigid, frustrated and exhausted. This teacher was not having fun. I thought, “She doesn’t know what she doesn’t know yet. She can’t give to a child what she hasn’t experienced.” I felt compassion for her. I knew that most teachers are rigorously trained in a authoritarian teaching philosophy, where they try to effect student's learning and behaviors through manipulation (Pavlov’s dog, -bribe with extrinsic praise and rewards so you can please the adult), and judgment (there is a right, wrong or better way to do it and if you don’t, then you are in trouble), and controlling (I am the leader, I know what is best for you, and you must do what I say).

I was one of these teachers (and a parent) that fell right into the exhaustion and ineffective trap of the old paradigm trying to manipulate and control my students (and my own children) to make them “be successful” in the world. I had to GET them to be quiet, sit still, listen, and not argue, fight, or fail, so I began to catch them doing everything wrong and give them demerits, and then praise the hell out of them the moment they were quiet, well behaved, and perfect little angels. This is how effective and caring teachers are taught to teach in their training. I figured out how to put kids in my own sterile bubble. There is one horrific challenge with this that we were not taught; kids are not wired to live and learn this way. None of us are. How do you, as an adult, feel if someone is trying to control and manipulate you? …angry, frustrated, depressed, bored? So are kids. It just doesn’t work. It has created a generation of dumbed down, stressed-out, and burnout kids and teachers.

I remembered that when I couldn’t get my students to comply, I would become agitated. I would get emotionally triggered (take it personally and get angry or nervous) over them not cooperating, not listening, turning away from me when I was talking, talking back, being defensive, lying, not taking responsibility for their own actions, not eating, eating junk, not doing homework, playing video games, treating others in a negative way, or giving me a non-verbal negative look. I was like a walking time bomb in the classroom. The more I tried to GET them to comply and disconnected to them, the more stressful it became and the more they rebelled and clearly didn't like me.

Bottom line, students like Benji who don’t comply in the old system become a problem because they stand in the way of the teacher and school “looking good” and doing a “good job”. Benji is the type of child who refuses to step into the sterile bubble. In the old system, he is in a constant demand of attention that then needs to be controlled and manipulated to try and get him to comply. However, the more we control and manipulate with punishment as the consequence, and stickers as the reward, the more students like Benji feel like a pawn (unconsciously), and then their self-confidence, creativity and personal empowerment tanks.

What if the Benji's of the world are really the courageous kids telling us to not imprison them into someone else’s world. Maybe the Benji’s of the world are telling us that there is another way to do it.

Of course, there is another way to do it and with all the research and experiential trials and tribulations out there, it is becoming a real science. Young people naturally want to learn, grow, connect, and contribute in the world. If they are misbehaving, there is a reason coming from outside of them. So when an adult finally can truly connect with them and find out what is going on, miracles happen; they shift. When we can see the Benji’s of the world as unique, brilliant, and whole and treat them accordingly as the amazing children who just don’t know it yet, we are on a brand new playing field. Life and learning become fun, and kids and teachers can’t wait to participate.

Over the years, I have learned how to go into old-paradigm classrooms and work with educators who want to create new-paradigm classrooms. I, in an in-the-moment, hands-on way, support teachers in making the shift into the new paradigm of the Empowerment Education System of W.E.L.L.-Being, where Empowerment Coaching, (the art and science of connection, empowerment, and fulfillment) is the new pedagogy or type of teaching methodology that creates the empowered partnership.

I have seen the shift in students and their teacher and parents. It's very rewarding. Benji and his kindergarten teacher were two individuals that reeped the benefits from Empowerment Education®. Benji had struggled in the first few weeks of kindergarten, not able to sit still and pay attention. He was medicated for ADHD which I felt was really from developmental trauma. By the 2nd month of kindergarten, Benji began to shift into his brilliance, confidence and resilience. Benji was already a smart student, able to read on a 4th grade level. He was allowed to read stories to the class and lead the class in many activities; he was good at it. He began to take feedback from the teacher well. When he was bored or couldn’t sit at the desk and work, he learned he had options he could choose from to learn new concepts and skills, and then teach the class how he did it. Benji began actually teaching all of us what kids really need and want, -how they naturally will learn, grow and contribute at their own level if you set up the environment that meets their needs. I watched and took notes. When the teacher and I focused on what Benji really needed and set up a structure that he understood, he thrived and couldn’t wait to come to school.

Now in first grade, with his new teacher unaware of the skills of Empowerment Coaching and spending a summer at home, Benji is beginning to revert to some of his old ways (but still not completely shifting back). Benji is not thriving as much anymore with this demeaning treatment from his teacher. If this treatment of Benji continues, he more than likely will be filtered out and labeled as bad again and will go down the negative rabbit hole of school and maybe even life, most likely not reaching his potential (or have a really hard time doing it) spending most of his secondary school time in “in-school-suspension”, getting into a gang, becoming addicted to drugs or alcohol, or maybe even dropping out of school. I see this happen a lot. I feel myself wanting to coach and train every teacher, but that is not possible. Students who have experienced challenges at home (such as abuse, neglect, divorce, drug use, or maltreatment) are the ones who will, in most cases, misbehave at school and have the lowest grades. If treated in the old paradigm way, we will lose them. The old ways don’t work anymore, in fact, it causes what is called cumulative toxic stress in the students and their teachers. I continue to hold a bright light for the students that are not able to be in the new paradigm learning environments that we know work.

Benji deserves to be treated with positive expectations for learning, respect, compassion and love so his brain and nervous system can rewire itself into self love, self-responsibility, self-motivation, self-discipline, self-regulation and resiliency. To do this, the adult and learning environment must be emitting a safe and nonjudgmental learning environment.

Educators who learn Empowerment Education® are being taught another level of trauma-informed, social-emotional learning using Empowerment Coaching & Learning as the means of connected communication. I hope that Benji's new first grade teacher will be open to this new way. So far she is not that open to it. She can only see Benji through the "bad kid" lens, which is what she was viewed as when she was a kid and didn't follow every rule precisely (I have coached her a couple of times). I truly hope that all educators learn to be resilient staying calm and connected when kids act out, modeling empowerment and respect to their students.

Empowerment Educators know that learning takes place more powerfully when the student is ready to learn and learn from their own passions. They realize because they have experienced it, that human beings comes first (what they feel, think, believe, want and need), then teaching skills, then systematic rules and regulations. This creates an empowered environment where kids and teachers are less stressed and thrive. There is a reason Benji is acting this way and in the new paradigm the teachers and administrators know this and know how to handle it in an empowered way.

We are in a major shift in education, from old to new, and are having to learn to be in both as we shift further into the new.

Students and teachers can learn to shift out of a manipulative, controlling, judgmental and hierarchical educational system, which is a “Survival of the Fittest” paradigm, to a new educational paradigm of connected, empowered partnerships, ones of connection and compassion. In this new-paradigm, all young people, no matter their age, race, age, behavior, academics, or socio-economic status, are treated as if they are already creative, capable and complete. They are looked upon like they have their own answers, and that they are allowed to think and feel authentically as they do in the moment, and that they can learn what brings them joy as a catapult into all domains of learning. All human-beings deserve on all levels, no matter what, to be treated with value, respect, equality, total acceptance, and the freedom to choose.

Currently, students and teachers are a part of both paradigms so they are having to learn HOW to be in the new paradigm while breaking free of the old antiquated education systems, behavioral patterns, and habits that have been passed down from generation to generation without awareness of the negative effects they have been having on everyone. We are still putting the old pattern of “having the most”, “being the best”, “being different”, and “doing it right” above human beings. These old patterns have created an epidemic of disconnection and shame (which is opposite of what the brain and body really need to thrive) because it is impossible to be the best, have the most, be different, and do it right all the time. The educational system was developed with the wrong goals in mind. The result is a constant pressure of ridiculous standards all around students and their teachers, which results in continual shots of toxic stress pulsating through their bodies 24/7. And we are well researched in what toxic stress does to our health, resiliency, relationships, and our ability to learn. It wrecks them.

Survival of the Fittest Educational Paradigm → Disconnection and Shame → Flood of Continual Toxic Stress (Continual Survival Mode or Fight, Flight or Freeze) = Exhaustion, Depression, Quitting/Drop-Out, Sickness, and Violence

Fortunately, I believe that the tipping point into a world where love and connection is the fundamental basis of everything is already happening. Systems are now breaking down and people are wanting things to be different. Many are demanding change. Many well-intentioned education visionaries are in the process of helping schools move into a new place, a place where students and teachers get to be WELL, EMPOWERED, heart-centered-LEADERS who have the freedom, confidence and skills to do what they love in the world sharing their gifts (who they are) with each other, helping make the world a sustainable, respectful, and beautiful place for everyone, LIVING THEIR LEGACIES...without constant unhealthy stress, overwhelm and conflict.

Educators who learn Empowerment Education® will learn: